The Tower Report
Saturday, June 26th, 2004Friday. I leave the office looking for a copy of the New York Observer, wanting to do the crossword puzzle on the train home. This leads me away from the train station. Downtown. Towards Tower. On a Friday night. Bad idea when all I’ve eaten today is the following:
1 cinnamon raisin bagel (plain)
10 rold gold honey wheat pretzel braids (addictive, yet healthy seeming)
8 oz dry roasted peanuts (weight before shelling)
So I’m hungry too. And we all know that lonely, hungry, and manic ain’t the best combinition.
Did I mention it was raining? Did I mention I chose to ignore that for the sheer “romance” of walking down 6th Avenue in the rain? Did I mention I’m a freshman in college?
Well, I picked up my Observer somewhere around 10th St., which means I could have just gotten on the F train at West 4th St. But I felt it pulling me. Pulling me like it did the day I bought the Elvis set. Tower Records. My home. My life. My hole into which I’ve thrown I don’t know how many paychecks in hopes that just one of those records would contain the secret to happiness and cool.
And today, I felt the Trojan Instrumentals set calling my name. See the deal with Trojan sets is that they only cost around $15, but they have 3 CDs in them! Three CDs of original recordings too! Not radio airchecks or live recordings or I just need some “pocket money” no I won’t mind re-recording one of the greatest hits of all time with a synthesizer backing me up recordings! (thank you, Percy Sledge, Ben E. King, et. al.) Three genuine CDS of low-fi Trojan ska, for $15!
Well, I get there. Wet. And I head down to the Trojan sets. All colorful and pretty and lined up against the back wall there. No instrumentals. Out.
I go back upstairs and there’s some crap in the bargain bin that looks good. I pick up a Miles album I don’t know how I ever missed. I must have thought it was electric or something, back when I was a snob about electric Miles. This was a phase that lasted until last month. (And no, I haven’t bought Bitch’s Brew yet. Get off my back. I just bought London Calling for the first time two months ago. I know. I was your hero up until that moment wasn’t I?) I also picked up Earth Wind and Fire’s Greatest Hits Vol. 1. Almost embarrassing that I don’t have that one, especially considering the number of requests I got for “That’s the Way of the World” at the Marriot Christmas party I DJed in 1993. No, not almost. That is embarrassing. Both of these were $7.99 a pop.
So I get in line, armed with my two steals. Happy I’ve gotten out of Tower having only spent less than $20. And then I see them. The impulse items.
Tapes.
Damnit. $3.99 apiece. 3 for $10. Aw jeez, how can they do this to me? Well, old habits die hard, padre, and I’ve got a Dodge Saturn with a factory installed cassette deck on out there on the curb that is looking for a shot in the arm, entertainment-wise. So I dive in I go to the top left corner and start flipping through the columns of tapes just like an old pro. Ostensibly, I was just looking for Violent Femmes/Violent Femmes, but that’s like saying a crackhead will pass up a Heineken. So here are the nine tapes I bought, along with the reasons why.
Tom Waits – Small Change
When I started this, I promised myself one rule. Only buy tapes you don’t already have on CD or LP. Those you can tape. To quote Gen. George McClellan, “admirable self-denial.” But Waits had to be an exception. For two reasons.
First: Every car with a tape deck needs that one really dirty white floor tape that sits under the seat, on the floor, underneath the floormats, that lives in the center console, smudged and worn and unrecognizable with maybe a corner missing. Small Change would fit this job perfectly. Meanwhile, my current dirty white floor tape Hall & Oates – Rock and Soul Pt. 1 could use a rest, especially considering how I have to keep fast-forwarding stupid “Adult Education.”
Second: One night I just barely survived a humiliating night at a “club” in the Hamptons (read: “barn” in a cornfield) with Joe LaMura because after having argued about Gatsby all night while being surrounded by his soulless ancestors, when we passed by the velvet ropes in the gravel parking lot and got into Joe’s car he immediately pulled out Small Change and the only question to be decided then was which tune would wash that awful night away. Joe sided with “Jitterbug Boy.” I voted for “Tom Traubert’s Blues.” Joe won. Joe was right. I figured just in case I ever see Joe again, I better have Small Change at the ready.
Willie Nelson – 16 Biggest Hits
Admittedly, I’ve already got a lot what’s on this tape, but the last four songs on Side 1 were the clincher. My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys, On the Road Again, Always on My Mind, City Of New Orleans. Should I ever get back to Oklahoma, this baby will be front and center in the pile on the floor behind my seat.
Steve Earle – The Essential Steve Earle
Everybody and their brother keeps asking me why I’m not into Steve Earle yet. Give me a week and maybe I can sit at your lunch table again.
Richard Pryor – That Nigger’s Crazy
Wait. You’re gonna tell me you would have passed up on this? For $3.33? For the cost of a falafel you wouldn’t have wanted to find out how “crazy” “that”
“nigger” is or may be? I don’t know if we can be friends anymore. OK. Right. I forgot you’re still holding the London Calling thing against me. Well we can still be friends but come on…That Nigger’s Crazy.
I just made the whole room uncomfortable didn’t I? Good. Moving on…
Five Blind Boys – The Best of the Five Blind Boys
Let me just pause a moment here and talk about the cover art on this one. It’s a picture of Bryce Canyon, I’m pretty sure. But what am I supposed to get from that? That this is something God made that’s beautiful, just like the gospel music contained herein? That seems a little bit of a stretch. How about: this is something the Five Blind Boys would have fallen into if they were charicatured in a late 30s Bugs Bunny cartoon? No, I don’t know about that.
Here’s my theory, they were marketing this tape to Mormons. That’s why it doesn’t say Five Blind Boys of Mississippi on it. Just Five Blind Boys. Throw this in a Gold Circle in Provo in 1985 and I think there’s a good chance that a Brother (not to be confused with a brother) might be fooled into thinking that, given the picture of Bryce Canyon on the cover, these blind boys might be from Utah.
And that Brother would have been confused, but rewarded for his confusion nonetheless.
Johnny Cash – The Gospel Collection
As you can see, I’m in a Gospel phase. I previewed the new (last) Johnny Cash album, My Mother’s Hymn Book, the other day at Barnes & Noble. Like all of his American Recordings, it’s really good. It’s also $18.99. The Gospel Collection, on the other hand, cost me $3.33 and contains all of Johnny’s first two gospel albums. Hymns by Johnny Cash and Hymns from the Heart. I’m all about value. Did I mention I bought nine tapes today?
Neil Young – Harvest
Should Small Change fail to live up to its duties as the dirty white floor tape…
Dwight Yoakam – Just Lookin’ For a Hit
See Steve Earle. And last but not least…
Billboard Top Rock ‘n’ Roll Hits – 1972
This was one of the first CDs I ever bought. But that CD has been on permanent loan from the collection to a friend for longer than I can remember. While I can’t bring myself to replace the CD (because that admits I’ve given it away, and I like thinking of it being on loan, even though it’s been out eight years now) I figured my car could do with the sounds of:
“Alone Again, Naturally” – Gilbert O’Sullivan
Imagine you only ever have one big hit in the United States, and every show you do for the rest of your life, you’ve gotta sing the song you wrote about wanting to kill yourself. Gilbert O’Sullivan has been doing this for thirty years.
“I Can See Clearly Now” – Johnny Nash
One of my father’s favorite songs. My father has good taste.
“Black and White” – Three Dog Night
The key to appreciating Three Dog Night is checking out their songwriters. Black and White was written by Earl Robinson. Who also wrote liberal anthems “The House I Live In” and “Joe Hill.” Now go back and listen to “Black and White” one more time.
“Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” – Looking Glass
This song is the whole reason the CD is on loan.
“My Ding-A-Ling” – Chuck Berry
Guess how many number one hits Chuck Berry had in his entire career. Wrong. Guess again. Wrong. Guess again. Wrong.
One. Chuck Berry had one number one hit on the pop charts.
And it was “My Ding-A-Ling.” Chuck Berry.
I always tell people that “My Ding-A-Ling” was Number One on my birthday. Like that’s supposed to be some sort of omen. But that’s a lie. I’m pretty sure that the number one song on March 15, 1972 was…
“Horse With No Name” – America
“Those dudes America were all about major seventh chords.” – my pal Chris Leydon.
Well, I could go on about “Back Stabbers” and “Nights In White Satin” but I think we’ve essayed enough for one night. Anybody wanna go for a ride?
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