I know it was you, Greedo… It breaks my heart…
There were only the two of us on the train.
I was still sweating, nervous from the moment I had found myself heading the wrong way on the F. But I was right as rain, now, and I’d made it under the river, past Canal, and was well above Union, safely coursing toward my mid-town room. The anxiety had gotten all the extra alcohol out, leaving me with only the lightheadedness.
She had gotten on soon after I turned around, maybe at Carroll Gardens. She was clearly not in town for work. This was her town, and she was probably heading up the East Side somewhere. But no, not on this train. A late night party?
It was only the two of us on the train, and I let the lurch get me going toward her, so my holding the rail would look natural. I was about to speak, when the guy got on with the black T-shirt that read, simply:
Han Shot First.
After that, I don’t remember what color hair she had. I laughed all the way to 57th.
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Now, it seems, the long dark night of Gen Xers trying to differentiate themselves from their lessers is finally coming to an end. Ever since the re-release, in ‘95, those who actually SAW Star Wars in the theatre have tried every means of making it abundantly clear that they were superior and exempt.
Superior from those that merely posed a devotion to the corporation-ization of entertainment.
When I broke the head off of my Luke Skywalker™ action figure because I (foolishly) thought that his head would turn; — I did not start a boycott Mattel, accusing them of out-sourcing jobs to China. No. I simply cried until I got another one. That’s the way we used to do things.
Exempt since the re-release from those who have bewailed the state of The Galaxy; from the pitiable nature of Jar-Jar Binks to the insufferable moodiness of Anakin, and even the seeming lack of consistency in Yoda’s semantic patterns. [During the big battle in Episode II, Yoda seems to forget his German roots, and puts his verbs in the middle of sentences].
Yes, superior and exempt, because the re-release contained the most grievous harm (more grievous than naming a character “Grievous”?).
Han shot Greedo first in 1977. In 1995, he was kinder, gentler, and Greedo was a terrible shot. Lucas apparently did this because (he? someone? the cathlic league?) thought that it was “too mean-spirited” of Han to shoot first.
Again, Gen X has had to endure a lot of wincing, whining, and complaining about the new Episodes. But in our hearts we’ve had no respect for the pain of those who didn’t have to imagine what the “new XP-38″ model landspeeder looked like. [the one that caused Luke to not get a good amount when he trades his in in order to pay for a ride to Alderaan(sic)].
All the mistakes we’ve made and all we continue to make ARE NOT due to the influence of an over eager Han Solo shooting an alien bounty hunter.
But the long evil wait is over. On Spetember 12, 2006, Lucas will release the ORIGINAL THEATRICAL RELEASES on DVD. Unfortunately, they are not going to be anamorphic widescreen. But that’s secondary. What is primary, and hilarious, is that the Original movies will be released as, that’s right, Bonus Materials.
The ground-shattering iconography of millions, showed right and wrong, and all the shades in between… This is merely a bonus sequence, along the lines of a Michael Bay “making this weedwacker fight scene” featurette.
I’m psyched.
