Too Absent Herald

You may Google “chest pain” in this situation:

Remember this?

What a mistake! Just like the time I decided to “browse the DSM-IV; and became convinced that I was a perfect test case for borderline neurotic disorder.

Did you know there are both “stable” and “unstable” forms of angina? Guess which one can result in sudden, unpredictable coronary arrest?*

After two weeks off the nicotine, I got frankly tired of feeling little, itty-bitty head rushes from time to time. Wasn’t this supposed to go away?

Yesterday I had had enough. I called the local Family Practice clinic and got in to see someone. I asked if I could have a blood-test, as well. The nurse said that I’d have to fast from Midnite… But I know my way around this dodge: “You mean I need to have not eaten anything for 8 hours, correct?”
–”Yes.”

“Well, sign me up, I haven’t had anything all day, and I get up at 6:30 (another apparent side-effect of not smoking).

So I got to have a complete physical. Right beforehand I called Kovacs to ask about what I should ask. But he and Tally were out of position in Western MD.

Oh, and the guy I saw is an Orthopaedist, so he did point out that I have a knot in my back that is literally pulling two ribs apart. This is the most likely cause for chest pain. He noted, and I asked him to repeat it just for you all:
CHEST/ LUNGS: CLEAR

And for the first time, ever, – confirmation of my irregular heart rhythm. He said that I have a “split S/2″ rhythm. Instead of “duh- dum” it’s “d-duh-dum.” No wonder I like Pulp.

At this point, of course, I asked whether that means I was inverted.†

Anyway, nothing to worry about. He also explained (without saying “Ya big dummy”) that the head-cold I have, now, is probably viral and it started in my lungs, which is why I felt weird before feeling sick.

I explained, several times that I was there out of fear of embolism. He assured me that with my metabolism, I have very little chance of forming a blood clot.

So that was good. But today I got the results of the blood test:

Everything in the normal range. My Triglycerides are at astounding 47 (again, the crazy metabolism). My LDL, or “bad” cholesterol is a bit high (127). I explained that I have been eating a lot of chips/ dip/ drumsticks/ cake/ cookies/ klondike bars/ as I shrugged off wanting to smoke. So I am not very concerned about that.

HDL is 54.

Overall cholesterol is at 185. And that’s with the pizza rolls. So wassup? Oh, and before you ask, the sodium is 137 (reference range is 136-145).

I am a little low on the iron/ protein side. No shit. Maybe eating in the morning would help?

Going to get a couple heads of broccoli, a cantaloupe, a 2-inch steak, and oatmeal after work. It’s gonna be a party.

* Both
† c.f. Top Gun, where Maverick talks about how he got into a -4G dive with a MiG28.

Anyway, the iPhone, as I and a few others are suspecting, could very well be the One Device to Rule Them all.

At the very least, I think it will show consumers the way forward toward real innovation. This is the problem with our current Domestic Product system: Once things are good, no one wants to try for anything better; at least not until it requires a massive reinvestment by the consumer (HD DVD).

That’s why cars still get the same mileage they got 15 years ago.

When the rare little points of light can shine through the fog (Netflix, Google-everything, and Apple TV and, next, the iPhone) it is worth getting excited about. Because it represents a real innovation.

And by “real innovation” I am emphasizing the “real” in American usage, – that is, – I can feel it. (Like the shampoo on Letterman’s head: “I can feel it tingling.”) This is not a sort of vague announcement from Bush about “heading to Mars” or “hydrogen fuel cells, that could…” That’s (perhaps) innovative and helpful thinking. But it is not real.

The most heartbreaking part of the movie Singles, for me, was not the story, but when Bridget Fonda addresses the camera in frustration:†

“I’m 23. Do you remember how old 23 seemed when you were young? I mean, I thought people would be living in airlocks and I would have 5 kids… well, here I am… 23… things are pretty much the same.”

And that was 1992, not to think of 2001, etc.

This innovation is what Gruber and Michael Mulvey are getting at — and this is so exciting to me that I’m writing about it now.

“The iPhone is the floating car we imagined we’d be drivin in the future.”

It’s an actual step forward. The biggest complaint and naysaying about the iPhone so far has been from Blackberry users (or, actually, from some sort of Blackberry users’ lobbying group). The complaint is that “People are used to typing with their thumbs on a keyboard. They won’t want to change to a touch-screen.”

The absurdity is repellant. People are also, in no particular order:

Voting against their own economic self-interest in most of the country;
Paying more for drugs than any other industrialized nation;
Getting worse fuel mileage than their parents did;
Working longer for less money than ever before, etc. etc.
Oh, and we still have cancer, AIDS, TB, Typhoid, Malaria, and, wait for it, – Fucking POLIO roaming around.

Maybe a touch-screen is better, maybe it is worse. But saying it’s stupid because it is different, well… Why doesn’t Fox and the NY Post do an expose on how Lead paint and asbestos are actually better, and we’ve been tricked into leaving them behind?

So if I have to explain to someone why I “follow” or “worship” Apple Inc. it is simply the fact that they are releasing a product like this. THEY ARE BUCKING THE MARKET SYSTEM!

There is no real DEMAND for a device like the iPhone. The other companies (and their evil overlords, the cellular carriers) would happily have you continue to shell out $$ for essentially the same device year after year.

Instead Apple takes the step forward that is possible. Introducing a new demand, and, hence more innovation. That is what Google did, and they are reaping the benefits of catching the giant sleeping.

So whether I get one or not; whether I ever have any use for email in my pocket… I will support the effort.

*(Say what you will about Tolkien (and I say plenty), it’s remarkable that the books so implant themselves in the culture.)

†That frustration is forgotten pretty quickly (which is Cameron Crowe’s problem, as he gets more complex narratives, he is unable to support them. What is more simple than Say Anything? The characters say, -out loud,- what they care about and that’s all they care about!)

Just to get this out of the way, I would buy an iPhone over just about any other product in the $400-$1000 range that I can imagine. No, I don’t need one, no, I couldn’t even use it for work. But I’d buy that thing.

Here’s a link to the 20-minute “Intro” video on the Apple site. This “commercial” is like a group therapy session for anyone who has been disgusted by the promise of telecommunications – and what they actually get for their 2 year commitment.

John Gruber, as usual points to one of the most attractive parts of the story of Apple getting into the phone business. They make one phone! One product to run everything.

A Verizon spokesperson responded to the iPhone hype by “reassuring” people that Verizon already has “18 music-capable” phones available; and that they will be soon releasing more models.

Great! As Dennis Miller said, regarding buy-one-get-one free sales at K-Mart: “Two of shit is shit. If they wwanted to fuck you they’d give you three of the things.”

On the opposite side of Verizon, –who are just plain scared of Apple opening eyes to what consumers COULD be enjoying,– are the naysayers that counsel Apple is in over it’s head. No company could get the telecom formula right the first time, they say. Leave it to us to tell you what you should enjoy on your phone. Wanna buy a ring-tone?

For critics Apple is damned if it does and damned if it doesn’t. They shouldn’t get into the telecom biz, ’cause they wouldn’t know what they are doing. On the other hand, you can’t just sell something that does a few things well. you need features.

To destroy the second argument you need only point to the iPod.
This is the mentality that kept Detroit from innovating. And why I would and never will buy an American car.

I don’t need an iPhone, but I’d buy one on Friday if I could. What’s more, I’d buy Apple stock.

I just downloaded three songs (using Acquisition, sorry RIAA) could you ever guess what they are?

Dogs of Lust – The The
Getting Away with It – Electronic
Wonderful – Everclear

Mother-fu**ing Everclear, man. And that ain’t even nothing, cuz yesterday I downloaded “One Week” for chrissakes! So what’s the story? Well the main reason is this: it’s taking up the time.

This weekend should have been a celebration- one week without smoking has really blown by. Unfortunately I got a head-cold from one of my tactless coworkers. So I spend the weekend (and still) coughing and blowing parts of my brain out trying to hurry this along, which of course doesn’t work.

———

Here’s the only real observation I have (as though you actually skimmed to this point without getting a headache from the previous sentence, -which, god help me, I don’t know what it means but I plead the same (head-cold) excuse):

Deciding to save money has to be one of the most boring activities imaginable. When I made the last quick post about being bored I was really getting to understand that I was bored because I wasn’t doing anything distracting.

Dont get me wrong, I wasnt in need of distraction. As I said, the American Spirits are so low tar (or whatever) that I really only wanted a smoke the way you should WANT a smoke. No DTs or anything.
What happens is this, I am trying to save money so I sit around this stuffy apartment all day doing nothing but re-watching movies, reading, writing a little bit, etc. to me I am not bored. But the appearance is of a person, bored.

Okay, I’m getting distracted from whatever the hell it was I was going to write. In order to try to keep this up, though, I am going to leave this all just as confusee as it is.

back later