Do Not EVER Google “chest pain”
What a mistake! Just like the time I decided to “browse the DSM-IV; and became convinced that I was a perfect test case for borderline neurotic disorder.
Did you know there are both “stable” and “unstable” forms of angina? Guess which one can result in sudden, unpredictable coronary arrest?*
After two weeks off the nicotine, I got frankly tired of feeling little, itty-bitty head rushes from time to time. Wasn’t this supposed to go away?
Yesterday I had had enough. I called the local Family Practice clinic and got in to see someone. I asked if I could have a blood-test, as well. The nurse said that I’d have to fast from Midnite… But I know my way around this dodge: “You mean I need to have not eaten anything for 8 hours, correct?”
–”Yes.”
“Well, sign me up, I haven’t had anything all day, and I get up at 6:30 (another apparent side-effect of not smoking).
So I got to have a complete physical. Right beforehand I called Kovacs to ask about what I should ask. But he and Tally were out of position in Western MD.
Oh, and the guy I saw is an Orthopaedist, so he did point out that I have a knot in my back that is literally pulling two ribs apart. This is the most likely cause for chest pain. He noted, and I asked him to repeat it just for you all:
CHEST/ LUNGS: CLEAR
And for the first time, ever, – confirmation of my irregular heart rhythm. He said that I have a “split S/2″ rhythm. Instead of “duh- dum” it’s “d-duh-dum.” No wonder I like Pulp.
At this point, of course, I asked whether that means I was inverted.†
Anyway, nothing to worry about. He also explained (without saying “Ya big dummy”) that the head-cold I have, now, is probably viral and it started in my lungs, which is why I felt weird before feeling sick.
I explained, several times that I was there out of fear of embolism. He assured me that with my metabolism, I have very little chance of forming a blood clot.
So that was good. But today I got the results of the blood test:
Everything in the normal range. My Triglycerides are at astounding 47 (again, the crazy metabolism). My LDL, or “bad” cholesterol is a bit high (127). I explained that I have been eating a lot of chips/ dip/ drumsticks/ cake/ cookies/ klondike bars/ as I shrugged off wanting to smoke. So I am not very concerned about that.
HDL is 54.
Overall cholesterol is at 185. And that’s with the pizza rolls. So wassup? Oh, and before you ask, the sodium is 137 (reference range is 136-145).
I am a little low on the iron/ protein side. No shit. Maybe eating in the morning would help?
Going to get a couple heads of broccoli, a cantaloupe, a 2-inch steak, and oatmeal after work. It’s gonna be a party.
* Both
† c.f. Top Gun, where Maverick talks about how he got into a -4G dive with a MiG28.
